Happiness
by ffreaderwriter
Summary: Sometimes the truth has to be pointed out to you, even if you are a best selling novelist and one of New York's finest detectives.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Inspired by the song Happiness by The Fray. Great band to listen to and write.

Hope you enjoy! Please review if you did.

Castle sat in the chair, his laptop perched in his lap while he stared unfocused out onto the New York City skyline. Martha had watched him stare out into space, ever since Beckett had been shot. She knew how much her son cared for the detective, and it broke her heart to see how withdrawn he had been since the incident. It had been a month and she had not seen him write barely a sentence the entire time. She could stand to watch him tear himself up like this anymore. He had to talk to somebody. He couldn't continue to shut them out and say everything was okay, and think that because he said it with a smile no one knew any better. He didn't need to attempt to carry everything inside. She got up from the counter, where she had unsuccessfully been trying to read over a potential new part and walked over to her son.

"Richard" she said her tone gentle, but got no response.

"Richard" she said his name louder, finally get an "hmm" in response as he slowly turned from the window to face her.

"What's wrong?" Martha asked placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing mother, I'm fine." He gave her his best reassuring smile.

"Richard, I am your mother and I know when you are not _fine_. You are not _fine_. Anybody can tell you are not fine."

"It's all my fault." The words came out so softly, she wasn't sure they'd been meant for her.

"What's your fault?"

"All of it. Beckett being shot. All of it."

"Richard," Martha voice took on a soothing tone. "You had absolutely nothing to do with Beckett being shot."

"No." Castle said forcefully. "I had everything to do with it. If I hadn't pushed her to investigate her mother's murder. If I had just left it alone, like she wanted me to, then none of this would have happened."

"How many times has she almost died because of me? Her apartment was blown up while she was in it, because some lunatic became fascinated with her because of me."

"If I had never started writing Nikki Heat then none of this would have happened. She would have just gone on with her life. It would have been better if she had never met me." Richard turned away from her gazing out of the window again unseeing.

Martha sat silent for a few moments letting her son gain his composure. She knew his anger was directed at himself and not at her. "Richard, look at me." He turned back to her and she could see the unshed tears in his eyes.

"_Richard Castle_, I want you to listen to me and I want you to listen good. You are not responsible for Beckett being shot or her apartment being blown up or any other catastrophe in her life."

Richard opened his mouth to argue, put Martha held her a finger silencing him.

"Kate is a detective and a damn good one at that. She goes out into the line of fire every day never knowing what might happen. She was putting her life on the line against mad men before she even had an idea who _Richard Castle_ was. She is very capable of taking care of herself. So, if you think that she has only faced danger after she met you, then I think you are giving yourself a little too much credit."

Castle opened his mouth again, but was silenced when Martha held up her hand. "I know that you care for her, even if you won't admit it to yourself or anyone else. But, you are not the reason the sky is falling and you are not helping anything sitting here and staring out the window."

"I told her I loved her." The words came out soft, but steady.

"That's wonderful!" Martha exclaimed, reaching over to hug Richard. "I knew you had it in you."

Castle put his arm up to stop the hug. "She doesn't know it."

Martha stepped back confused. "How doesn't she know if you told her?"

"She doesn't remember." Castle turned away from his mother, glancing out the window. "I told her right after she was shot. But she doesn't remember."

Martha saw the hurt look on Richard's face and her heart ached for him. He had finally gotten up the nerve to tell the lovely detective how he felt and it was all for naught.

Kate leaned back in the lounge chair surveying her surroundings. The sunlight shimmered across the water of the lake below, casting moving shadows as it filtered through the trees. The air had a freshness that she could only smell when she came out here. She had always loved this cabin. They had started coming here when she was a little girl, driving out from the city, upstate to her own little patch of heaven. The small but homey cabin sat on the top of a rise surrounded by towering birch, elm, and oak trees. It overlooked a large mostly round, natural lake that the blue water shimmered in the sunlight. She had always enjoyed it because of the tall trees. They seemed to shelter the house from the outside world. She could imagine that nothing existed beyond the trees, and the house and the lake.

Beckett closed her eyes, hoping the serenity of her surroundings would permeate her. She had only had her eyes closed a moment when she heard a snap over her right shoulder. Her pulse quickened. Her hands went to her chest. Her eyes searching for the unknown assailant. She sat up wide eyed to find her father smiling down at her sadly.

"Sorry, stepped on a stick."

"It's okay, Dad. Still just a little jumpy." She gave him her best reassuring smile. Her breathing calmed, she spied the small familiar box he held in his hand.

"Is that...?"

Her dad took a seat in his chair, nodding his head before opening the old wooden box. A soft tune played as the small ballerina twirled to the music.

"I can't believe you kept it." Beckett said extending her arms to hold the forgotten treasure.

"You loved it so much. I just couldn't bear to part with it. You would twirl around and around to that thing for what seemed like hours."

"In that yellow dress." Kate smiled, reliving the memory.

"That's right." Silence lingered between them for a moment, both lost to a much simpler, happier time.

"You know I just want you to be happy."

Kate looked up from the box and saw a look of worry and happiness in her dad's eyes. "I know, Dad."

"So, were you happy with Josh?"

Kate started to immediately answer "Yes" but she thought about it for a moment.

"I know you, Kate." he started. "I know that ever since your mother died you have held people at arm's length."

Kate opened her mouth to argue, but closed it again knowing his was right.

"It was nice being with Josh. I really did like him. I don't know if I loved him or not."

Jim nodded his head, knowingly. "It was better being with him than being alone."

Kate closed the box, looking back up at her dad. "Yeah, something like that."

"I've dealt with that myself." Jim gave her a slight nod. "Thought about giving it a try with someone else after your mother. She was my one and only. I don't think I could ever find another like her."

"She was definitely one of a kind." Kate smiled.

"I want you to have yours, Katie. Like I had mine. You deserve to be happy." He reached out putting his hand over hers. "What about that writer fellow?"

"Castle?" Kate asked, surprised.

"I've noticed a change in you since you met him." Jim smiled at her. "There is a spark in your eye that I haven't seen in a very long time. It's like you're finally allowing yourself to have some fun."

Kate looked down at the box once more. She hadn't realized how closed off she had been to everyone.

"I'll let you get back to your nap." Jim said, slowly getting up from his seat.

"Dad."

Jim turned to her slowly. "Yes, Katie."

"Thanks."

He smiled down at her. "Don't mention it."

Castle held his cell phone in his hand, staring down at his speed dial, trying to decide what he should do. Kate said she needed time. He had been determined that he was going to give it to her. But, he also needed to talk to her. Tell her the truth, how he really felt. For real this time, while she could actually hear him. She needed to know and he needed to tell her.

He still worried about it. What would happen next? How would it affect things between them? What would happen if things went wrong? If she didn't feel the same way?

His finger hovered over the button. What should he do?

Kate stared out over the lake. She had tried to get away – to forget about everything and everyone for a while. _She'd lied to him. About not remember anything after she was shot. She remembered. The dark and the silence, which was the world sliding away from her, feeling so cold and small. Then his voice in her ears, pleading, "Kate, I love you." His voice holding her soul to the earth._ She grabbed her cell phone, scrolled down her speed dial list.

Castle listened to the ringing sound. His heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest and for a man who man a living with words, had no idea what he was about to say. When he heard her say hello, his breath caught in his throat and for a moment he was speechless. She said hello again into the empty line and just when he was sure she'd hang up, he heard himself say, "Hi, Kate."


	2. Chapter 2

"I –"

"I-"

"You go first"

"You go first"

An awkward silence stretched out between each wanting to give the other the opportunity to speak first. "So, how's the weather up there?" Castle finally asked the silence becoming too much.

"It's nice." Kate said as she nervously twirled a strand of hair. "Peaceful. How's the city?"

"Oh, it's the city. Doesn't really change." Castle closed his eyes for a moment. This was not how he had planned this conversation to go.

"So, how's the book coming? Have you finished it yet?" Kate asked trying to prevent another lull in the conversation.

"Yes and no." Castle said. "I've finished it, but I don't know if I like the way I left it. Things unsaid, left hanging wondering what will happen next."

"What do you think you are going to do?" Kate asked, the conversation no longer uncomfortable.

"I'm not sure. I want them to be able to work it out. Tell how they really feel. People love a happy ending."

"Yeah, I think you should do that, Castle." Kate said softly. "I think people would really like that."

"Kate" the name came out soft and slow as if talking to a scared child. "There is something I have to tell you."

"No, there's something that I have to tell you. I need to say this before I lose my nerve. Let me finish before you say anything."

"Okay."

"I lied to you, Rick."

"I lied when I told you that I didn't remember what you said at the funeral. I remember everything. I remember the look on your face while you were begging me not to leave you. I remember what you said. I remember, Rick. I remember." A tear slid down her face and she hastily brushed it away. She could not start crying now.

Castle felt like a mack truck had just hit him and ripped all the air out of his lungs. _She knew! She knew this whole time! Why didn't she tell him? _ Rick closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure and took a deep breath forcing air back into his lungs.

The silence stretched on the line for what felt like an eternity. "Rick? Rick, are you still there?"

"Why?" She barely heard the question, his voice was so soft.

"I don't know. I guess I was scared."

"Scared of what Kate?"

"I was scared of getting too close. Of someone telling me that and really meaning it. I keep people at a distance for a reason, Castle. That way no one gets hurt." Another stubborn tear fell down her face.

"Kate, I would never hurt you." Castle said, pausing for a moment. "I love you."

"I know you feel like there is this big gaping hole inside of you that is not going to be filled until you catch your mother's killer. You never want to feel that pain of having someone ripped away from you ever again. I'm not going anywhere. I will follow you down any dark path you go or none if you want me to. I just want to be there with you."

Castle took a breath. "If you will let me."

A sniffle over the phone was the only response that Castle got. "Kate?"

"I love you, too." The words came out as a whisper.


End file.
